When Quitting Is Really Beginning

Mixed signals? Or maybe life’s saying: Don’t just stop. Start differently.

I’m coming up on three years since I last had an alcoholic drink—December 31, 2022. Yes, on New Year’s Eve that year, just before midnight, I had a glass of cabernet. Then, when the clock struck twelve, no more. I was done drinking. Well, sorta.

At the time, I’d decided to try a “Dry January” just to see how it went. I’d abstain for the entire month, and then on February 1—the day after my birthday—I could resume drinking. By the way, you can imagine this commitment to a Dry January wasn’t entirely pain-free, because I’d have to celebrate my birthday completely dry. Yikes!

As I thought about this, I never imagined I’d go beyond that one month. I figured I’d be able to say I did it and then return to my old lifestyle of being an occasional drinker.

Except, funny thing—I didn’t. I kept going. Until this very day.

 The Shift from “Quitting” to Starting Over

I don’t mean this to be an article about my “quitting story.” Because one of the things I’ve realized is that I didn’t actually quit anything. What I was really doing was starting over—creating the new version of my life.

Maybe quitting is really beginning.

When we talk about quitting, our focus is almost entirely on the past. It’s implied, right? If you “quit,” it directs your thinking to everything that’s happened up until now. I dare you to say you quit something without thinking of that something.

Take my drinking, for example. I’d considered quitting before that New Year’s Eve—many times, in fact—but there were always things that held me back.

The Weight of the Past—and the Power to Start Again

A big one was the assumption that life as I knew it would be more difficult. All I could think of was everything I’d give up. My alcohol-free life, as I imagined it, would be radically different.

Like going on vacation. Drinking had been such a part of my travel experience that I couldn’t imagine doing it any other way. From a bon voyage glass of champagne, to an Oktoberfest beer, to the perfect wine at dinner—I had a hundred reasons why quitting didn’t seem possible.

To be clear, I wasn’t ever some kind of black-out drunk who did shots in a cruise port and then staggered back to the ship. Not at all.

Let’s just say that my past life felt incompatible with the idea of quitting. I wasn’t thinking about what I’d gain in the future, only what I’d give up from the past.

Empty Nester Life: From Letting Go to Starting Something New

I could apply this same insight to another moment in my life—becoming an empty nester.

The term itself is rooted in the past. If you’re “empty,” it implies that you were once “full,” and that life was better then. (OMG, I’m back to the drinking metaphor!) No wonder so many empty nesters struggle with this transition. They’re focused on what they’ve “quit”—the joy of day-to-day parenting—not on what they’re starting next: the rest of their life.

For me, those first few months of being an empty nester—a “Dry January” of sorts—might have been less painful if I’d focused on what I was starting, not what I was quitting.

Maybe I could have occupied my time with something new, like training for a 5K race, taking up a hobby, or learning a skill. Something—anything—that would point me forward instead of back. 

One Month at a Time: How to Begin Again

That first month I quit drinking, I had a good guide: Allen Carr’s Quit Drinking on Audible. Listening to it really cemented why this was the right choice for me. It felt like I had a coach walking beside me.

Another key to my success was the time frame—it was just for a month. I didn’t have to think beyond 31 days. That felt manageable. If I had decided to quit drinking forever, I probably wouldn’t have lasted. But one month? Sure, I could do that.

That same mindset can help with any big life change—whether it’s becoming an empty nester, changing careers, or redefining yourself in midlife.

Instead of asking, “What will I do for the rest of my life?” try asking, “What will I start next?”
Pick something to focus on and start there.

From Ending to Beginning

So if you’re in a season of life where you feel focused on what you’re giving up, maybe it’s time to shift your attention. Focus on what you’re starting.

Because sometimes, quitting is really beginning.